The meaning of {MY} life...

Awake at 3 in the morning is not usually how I spend my nights. Feeling sick is keeping me awake. Why wouldn't something more noble be keeping me awake?

Like praying, cleaning my house, or finishing a book that couldn't be put down.

Nope.

I'm up at 3:47 this morning not feeling well enough to sleep.

It's in these times I tend to contemplate the meaning of life.
Maybe not life in general but the meaning of my own insignificant life.

I used to not know myself at all...
I would read/hear/see others and they knew themselves. They knew what they liked, what their favorite things were, what they were going to go to collage for, when they would get married, when they wanted to have kids, and so on and so forth.

Me?
I could hardly tell you my favorite color or decide what to order at Starbucks {still have trouble with that one}, how could I know what I wanted to do for the rest of my life?

I used to always think that's what made me insecure- not knowing myself. At least that's what the world told me.

"Follow your heart" -- they say.

I didn't know my heart.

{The bible says, "the heart is deceitful above all else"}

Looking back I realize less of me was a good thing. I didn't know it then but not knowing me was the best situation for my prideful self. It gave room for God to show me who He thought I was!
In my selfishness- always wanting to know what MY plans were- God was right there- drawing me closer- giving me hope- letting me know what HE thinks of me.
It honestly took years! {and He isn't finished with me yet}


He says I am His child! I am His beloved! He is jealous for me! He knows the plans HE has for me! He tells me I'm beautiful and unique! That HE created me in my mother's womb!
He has called me to a life of intercession and a life of worship.
He continues to draw me closer to Himself as He shows me his plan for me- one step at a time!

But it is good for me to draw near to God: I have put my trust in the Lord GOD, that I may declare all thy works.
Psalm 73:28

Come close to God, and God will come close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, for your loyalty is divided between God and the world. (James 4:8 NLT)